Playing the Flute (AKA learning how to give the perfect blow job....)

When my friend Rebecca told me to save the date as she was taking me somewhere special, I imagined dinner in a fancy pants hotel, maybe a show or a gig. 

What I didn't expect was to be going to a night called Playing the Flute - essentially a masterclass in how to give the perfect blow job. For real. 

At first I found the idea hilarious. A blow job masterclass! But as the day arrived I actually started to panic, imagining a dark, seedy dungeon with shackles and chains. And how would we 'learn' exactly? Would this be a practical class?! I'm far from prudish but I'd have to draw the line somewhere… 

But I couldn't have got it more wrong though. The seedy dungeon in my imagination was actually the rather plush Coco de Mer in Covent Garden. And rather than shackles and chains hanging from the ceiling in its place was handcuffs and pretty underwear. 

After downing a couple of glasses of champers  we were introduced to our host for the evening, oral sex expert Master Dominic, who runs a Dominant business in East London. I thought he would be scary but actually he was a lot of fun talking through the factors that made up the perfect blow job with the help of a plastic penis called Ernest… 

Then it was down to the practical. Luckily no cocks were shoved in our face and instead we were handed fruit pastille lollies. We had three minutes to suck them - keeping the purple tip intact. This was to teach us not just to dive in head first. Or mouth first in this case. 

Rebecca and I really went for it. We wanted to be top of the class at blow job school, obvs! 

Rebecca was the first to finish her lolly in a super speedy time. Master Dominic was most impressed with her skill and technique. I came a close second with Master Dominic saying I was more of a 'licker' than a 'sucker'…. We won! 

Before I knew it the night was over. We'd graduated. With honours. 

The night was a lot of fun and I'd encourage everyone to book on the next night. 

The top tips I took away were: 

Sloppy drool results in a good blow job, cover your teeth with your lips, treat it as an 'event' rather than just foreplay. And my absolute fave fact - men can ejaculate at 40mph. Mind blowing.

So am I now a blow job expert? I'd say so. I'll certainly be adding it to my CV….